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Mother loses court battle to give child pretentious name

Judge had five middle namesA seven-year-old boy can be given a normal name against his mother’s wishes, a judge has ruled.

Psychologists argued that unless Carbon Dioxide Rogers receives a normal name soon he could face ‘a much reduced quality of life, if he even survives secondary school.’   Mr Justice Bodey said, ‘I am worried that her judgement has gone awry on the question of the pretentiousness of the name which Carbon Dioxide has been given.

‘Any alternatives put forward were uncomplimentary ‘alternative’ names that, however well-intentioned, have never fared well when exposed to rigorous peer-review, such as stopping the next person you see in the street and asking ‘Does this name make this child sound like a pillock?”

While acknowledging she had her son’s best interests at heart, Mr Justice Bodey asked Ms Rogers whether ‘some sort of tie-up’ with the media was influencing her thinking.

‘Celebrities give pretentious and ridiculous names to their children all the time with absolutely zero side-effects,’ she answered, adding, ‘I find it difficult to imagine, for example, Shiloh Pitt suffering any harm because of the name his parents gave him.’ But the counsel appointed for Carbon Dioxide argued ‘standard naming’ remains the only viable option.

Summing up, Mr Justice Bodey said that, ‘Despite it being plain Ms Roger’s stance reflects the love she has for her son, it would be remiss of this court to allow a pretentious, untested and possibly harmful name to be used on the child, particularly when one considers the overwhelming amount of evidence there is to suggest a mainstream, more boring alternative would be very much in his best interests.’

He concluded:  ’And that is regardless of anything the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow might have to say on the subject.’

Idiot

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Posted: Dec 28th, 2012 by Guest

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