As the music world celebrated the 25th anniversary of the release of the popular Christmas classic, ‘Fairytale of New York’, doctors have discovered that the song’s writer and lead singer of The Pogues, Shane MacGowan, has in fact been dead since 1987.
‘MacGowan’s alcohol intake over the years has surpassed such legendary drinkers as Oliver Reed, Ozzy Osborne and 98% of the population of Ireland,’ said Dr. Sean O’Brien, who led the study. ‘At first we couldn’t understand how he was still alive, then we realised he has simply spent the last 25 years in too drunken a state for his brain to register his death.’
Doctors say that in hindsight, the singer’s rotting teeth and inability to talk, move or even stand up were all classic signs of someone being dead. ‘In fact, the only recognisable sound he ever made was that weird death-rattle laugh of his. On closer inspection, however, it turns out that it was actually his death-rattle.’
MacGowan’s reaction to news of his own death has reportedly been to drink a full bottle of whiskey in 12 seconds flat and then mumble something incoherently. Doctors have stated that his condition is likely to remain unchanged for a further 25 years.