After Helena Churchill and partner David Lomax loaded their shopping trolley with their bargain Sniglar Cot, they headed to the checkout where they were surprised to see 15 aisles each with an average of 125 customers waiting to pay.
‘At first I said to David let’s just leave the trolley behind and come back on another day,’ said mother-of-one Helena, ‘but he insisted that we wait saying it wouldn’t take too long. We joined different queues in an attempt to get to the tills more quickly, but to no avail. The last time we came to Ikea we were gone three months and when we finally got out our car MOT had expired and the clocks had gone back.’
But just a few hours after joining the queue Helena’s waters broke, and some 10 hours later she delivered a bouncing 9lb baby boy in the line for till eight.
‘The staff tried to help with the birth but kept insisting Helena had definitely got all the bits necessary for a baby, when it was obvious we were short of a leg and a foot,’ explained David. ‘The manager wanted us to come back for those later but I wasn’t making another bloody trip. Eventually an assistant found what we were looking for, after a quick root around in Helena’s Fäni.’
Now, almost 10 months later, the child is taking his first steps towards the checkout. ‘He’s developing very quickly,’ said proud mother Helena. ‘He’s got a lovely collection of Klappar Cirkus toys, and after I’d waited in line while David went off and finally located the right aisle in the warehouse, we’ve been able to assemble his own little nursery right here in the queue. We’re a little concerned about his diet, though. I’m not sure Godis Skum marshmallows and chicken meatballs for every meal is ideal for a 10-month-old.’
Fellow shopper Craig O’Brien, who helped to clean up at the birth with his new Lödder mop and Hären bath towel, said: ‘I’m delighted that Helena and David have asked me to be godfather to little Glögg, but I’m really looking forward to getting home to my partner Adam sometime in the near future. In fact I’m hoping that gay marriage may be legalised by the time we all get out as I’d like them both to be guests of honour at our wedding.’
Dick Everyman (hat-tip to waylandsmithy)