Bob Arkwright and Jeff Green, stalwarts of the Red Lion pub in Heckmondwyke, decided last Friday to break the habit of a lifetime and go to the toilet together.
‘Women do it all the time,’ said Jeff, ‘so Bob and I thought we’d give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. What I did learn, though, is how bad Bob’s aim is. He tried to explain – with both hands – why Robin van Persie was ‘well offside’. I’ll never wear open-toed sandals to the pub again, but at least I now know why he always smells of piss.’
But Bib was left comfortable with the whole experience. ‘Apparently the idea of going to the toilet together is to have a bit of a gossip, but after a while I couldn’t think of anything to say. So, for the sake of saying something, I told Jeff I’d shagged his wife. He took it badly.’
‘Bob and I won’t be going to the toilet together again,’ said Jeff, ‘even when his face has healed up. It’s just not natural. Anyway, same again, Bob? Two more pints please, love. Oh, and one straw.’