After the embarrassing sales of her book, Celebrate – which recommended turkey ‘for large family gatherings’, and kitchen cupboards as ‘useful for keeping things in’ – the double act of Pippa Middleton and her arse are finally splitting up. ‘We’ve taken the partnership as far as we can’, said Pippa Middleton’s arse yesterday. ‘I’m merely acknowledging what the public already knows: that I’m the one with the talent.’
‘Every famous duo has a natural lifespan’, said Pippa Middleton’s arse’s agent, Barry Groves. ‘Morecambe & Wise, Little & Large, Pinky & Perky. And, let me tell you, Pippa Middleton’s arse is pretty damn perky, just on its own. The appeal is almost universal: woman want an arse like that, while most men would be happy to have it sitting on their face for a while.
‘We’re putting the finishing touches to the first album, recorded with the notoriously deferential rap artist, R Slicker, and we’re launching a book – co-written, naturally, by Ricky Tomlinson. Provisionally entitled Our Story, the book will chart the attempt by Pippa Middleton’s arse to win a safe Conservative seat at the last general election. It will be something for readers to really get their teeth into.’