The world of children’s entertainment was rocked today with the revelation that the original Disney productions may have been far darker than anyone imagined. It has been alleged that the early drafts of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves were in fact, pure filth. ‘Bashful’ the dwarf was anything but. As details emerge, it seems other Disney characters do not live up to their ‘whiter than white’ image.
The Book of Pooh was not, as first thought, an innocent friendship between a bear and a boy, but a scatological odyssey involving glass coffee tables and wet play in the woods. In further shocking developments, it has come to light that the plot of Tangled, based on the fairytale Rapunzel, actually involved ‘the hair on her dicky dido’.
Melanie Davenport, a self-confessed ‘HR professional’ from Walthamstow, admits to being a lifelong subscriber to the original Disney productions. ‘It sort of led me to where I am now.’ Melanie said her first experience was the favourite ‘Bedknobs and Broomsticks’, which involved explicit and barely consensual sadism. Rather like her job.
Others have described their first ‘awakening’ on seeing the original Dumbo. ‘It wasn’t just his ears you know,’ said Tim Frobisher, a hosepipe salesman. A Disney spokesman confessed to an occasional bumpy start. ‘With Pornochio, we had to change his name a bit.’ Though he added that they kept in the part about his nose growing on demand when he talked dirty (later amended to telling porkies). However they were no longer allowed to call it ‘getting wood’.
Police have revealed that investigations began when competing animation studios, Pixar, ‘got a bit cocky’ producing Toy Story and giving the heroes obvious names like ‘Woody’ and ‘Buzz’.
This publication is concerned that childhood illusions are going to be shattered when the truth comes out, with revelations that Tinkerbell was no angel and Donald Duck was rather imaginative with feathers. The contagion is also thought to have spread to Warner Bros, with compelling evidence that Bugs Bunny was ‘at it… like a rabbit.’