Discussing the many benefits of life in uniform, Captain Wales admits that while his chums panicked, he remained level-headed, took out his service pistol and calmly ‘took care of business’.
Displaying a genuine humility about his actions the young ‘warrior’ Prince said: “If I’m honest the first one really was more of an accident. We’d been partying in the altogether, she was on my back and I accidentally reversed into a coat hook. Splat.”
Anthony ‘Bofo’ Basquet, one of a group of friends accompanying the ginger killing machine, remains impressed by how the young Royal took complete command of the situation.
“The dead girl’s friends were screaming; one of them said she was calling the cops and Harry popped, as our American cousins say, a cap in her ass. The other one tried to run away and he bagged her first time, at quite a distance, just before she reached the elevator. I’ve never seen shooting like it this side of Sandringham.”
The Prince’s friends agree that the experience brought them all closer together.
Lady Penelope Willoughby-Hynde-Forskett says without Harry’s military know-how the whole evening might have been ruined: “There I was, completely starkers, sobbing my eyes out when Harry walked over, slapped my face and told me to pull myself together. He was absolutely right of course, I was being a frightful prig.”
“As much as I enjoyed it, I did it for the people who were with me,” said the Prince, maintaining that his primary concern was for his friends. “Something like this could potentially ruin their chances at modelling or pursuing a dream job in venture capital; sometimes you have to take a life to save a career. I’m not special,” he added. “Lots of people have done it.”
“But I don’t really want to go into the specific details of what happened that night,” he said, adding humbly; “suffice it to say some people were paid off, some were threatened and another half a dozen potential eyewitnesses may have been murdered, but I’m not taking the credit for those. As grandpop always says, why have a secret service and do it all yourself?”
Captain Wales’ next mission will take him to Ibiza, where he and his companions Lawrence ‘Tufty’ Wells and Binky ‘Arseface’ Mace will support British troops on the ground in smashing up a small holiday resort.