The biggest deal in every sense of the last day of the political transfer window was Eric Pickles’s move from the Tories to the Liberal Democrats for an undisclosed fee. Pickles has since passed his medical, easily consuming his own body weight in museli.
Manager Nick Clegg stated: ‘We never really replaced Cyril Smith and we believe Eric will fill that hole in our line up. As Labour showed with John Prescott, a fat jolly chap will be popular with supporters and provide us with some punch in the league campaign’.
Earlier, the much rumoured move by out-of-contract defender of the indefensible Nadine Dorries to relegation-threatened UKIP was scuppered at the last minute, when, after arriving at Heathrow, Dorries turned around and boarded a plane for Sydney.