Sainsbury’s are to cease selling traditional foodstuffs, their bread and butter for many years, in favour of a full range of seasonal goods. Conventional aisles such as ‘Bakery’ will be replaced with a range covering every holiday or event in the national calendar enabling the public to overspend on promotional essentials.
Spokeswoman Suzie Thorn said: ‘We had noticed that Easter products had been creeping into every aisle, for instance chick-themed sanitary pads with yellow fluffy wings and ‘hot cross bum’ aloe vera toilet roll.’
The new seasonal ranges will cover all occasions, including Valentine’s Day, Pancake Day, St Guinness Day, Easter, St George’s Day, Sheffield Wednesday, School Holidays, Back to School, Hallowe’en, Bonfire Night and Christmas.
‘Remember,’ said Thorn, ‘there’s only 107 shopping days until Whitsun, so stock up now with our Holy Spirits 2 for 1 special on vodka and rum.’