Dungeon dweller and noted cross-dresser, Alex Reid has issued a stark warning to those contemplating the purchase of watermelons.
‘It’s a rollercoaster ride,’ he warned. ‘The pair I got were really pricey. I’d take them to celebrity parties and we’d drink like crazy. Next morning, I’d be really hung over and the melons would be blotchy and a bit dented, but they were never more beautiful to me.’
However, the melons had a dark side. Once, during an interview for a TV science programme, they just pushed into the picture and started talking about their line in horse fashion. ‘Melon sex was fantastic to start with, but even that all dried up quite quickly too,’ said Reid. ‘My advice is to stay friendly with lots of other kinds of fruits, even fruitcakes, but trust nobody.’