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Geordies vow revenge after Angel of the North is ‘defiled’ by coat

a blatant attack on heroic Newcastle nights out In an act of vandalism that has been described as being ‘as insulting to Geordies as depicting the prophet Mohammed is to Muslims’, Newcastle’s famous Angel of the North has been given a coat. The Angel, which is widely seen as a symbol of the Newcastle, was originally presented to the city by Robert Llewellyn after its construction on an episode of Scrapheap Challenge.

Although no one has yet claimed responsibility for the recent stunt, the appearance of a Facebook group called ‘Red Bull gave her wings, but the Black Cats kept her warm’ has left many Newcastle people blaming Sunderland.

This latest escalation in hostilities between the northern cities has led to the militant Geordie Separatist Group, Like putting the feared ‘Toon Army’ on stand-by for invasion. The two cities have had a tense relationship since the 1990s, when Sunderland helped the disputed territory of South Shields gain independence.

‘This act is only the latest in a long line of provocative actions that has left us with no other option but to prepare for battle,’ said a Geordie warrior, speaking through an interpreter. ‘South Shields is like our West Bank and after Northern Rock, we have no banks left. They even took away its Geordie identity by renaming it ‘Virgin’. As if.’

The coalition government has always denied taking sides in the Tyne-Wear war, stating that any dispute north of Watford is not of their concern. However, many loyal Geordies blame them for the recent legislation that has made it legal for coats to be worn on the streets of Newcastle on specific days of the year, notably Ant and Dec’s Official Birthday, the anniversary of Newcastle United winning the 1955 FA Cup and the anniversary of the October 1989 issue of Viz, which was the last to be quite funny.

Geordie militants have now vowed to retaliate against the ‘coating’ of the Angel by targeting London landmarks. It is believed that these include the Housing of Parliament, Buckingham Palace and the director of the Youth Institute, because many militants have been heard repeatedly saying something about the ‘Y.I. man’.

Hat-tips to Waylandsmithy, Sinnick and Jessie Bigg

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2013 by Perks

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