A Health Ministry spokesman has issued a statement expressing deep concern that 50% of hospitals had mortality rates that were lower than average.
‘We just cannot have this level of failure and we plan to reduce the number of hospitals, performing at less than average,’ said Michael Moroney. ‘We are confident that in three years’ time only 25% of hospitals will have lower than average mortality rates’.
The government has admitted that the next target of having only 1 in 8 hospitals worse than average will be harder to achieve. As an incentive to achieve this, the chief executive of any hospital with less than average performance will be compelled to spend ten days in a general surgical ward of their hospital without access to that perky little brunette receptionist.