Poundland has announced that it intends to become an independent sovereign state, and will now instead be known as the Democratic People’s Republic of Poundland.
Nigel Waite, formerly Poundland’s Director of Operations, and now Supreme and Eternal Leader of the Revolutionary Council commented: ‘Building an economy based on cornering the market in cheap packets of Jay Cloths and multipacks of crisps you thought they’d stopped making in the Eighties was only the first part of our strategy. Now this has been achieved, we want to focus on building the brand further, by moving into independent statehood and eventually, world domination.’
‘No one has anything to fear. All we are proposing is greater control of our economy, our own currency, and selling enough unfashionable toothpaste to fund all-out war starting with those bastards from the 99p store.’
Asked whether a new currency would mean removing the ‘pound’ from the name ‘Poundland’, Mr Waite commented, ‘Oh crap. I hadn’t thought of that.’