Record numbers of cows not in employment, education or training

Look a little closer at Britain’s green and pleasant land and a new social problem will quickly become apparent. Record numbers of unemployed cows are just standing around field corners claiming millions of pounds in welfare payments from British taxpayers instead of fully engaging with society.

The peak in unemployment amongst this group is being blamed on an influx of cheap labour galloping across from Eastern Europe and taking the cows’ places in their traditional roles, such as in pies or value lasagnes.

One Tesco manager, who wished to remain anonymous, said; ‘The reasons for this problem are obvious. The Eastern Europeans are so much faster, leaner and willing to take a full part in British society for barely more than a bag of oats, while their British counterparts are fat, slow and expensive, spend too much time chewing the cud, farting and trying to predict the weather. But on the plus side it all means we can offer excellent three-for-one deals on all mince products. If you like. No questions asked. Shhh!’

Aberdeen Correspondent

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2013 by

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