A statement issued by the Vatican has provided more details about the Pope’s surprise resignation. The Pontiff, it says, was training a young padawan Pope in the garden behind St Peter’s when he sensed a huge disturbance in the force. He knew instantly, the statement said, the time had come to step aside.
‘He was already old and frail, but the disturbance weakened him further and he knew instantly that he no longer had the power to confront the peril he sensed,’ said Cardinal Mazzavetti. ‘A younger, fitter Pope will now need to be trained in the ways of the Force if we are to fully confront this menace.’
Asked if he knew what the ‘menace’ was the Cardinal shook his head and replied; ‘At this stage it is still to early to tell but it is something truly dreadful. It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Or gay marriage has been legalised. Certainly one of the two.’