Alcoholic spiders: Britain’s hidden shame

Barry is a prematurely grey, balding tarantula. He arrived in the UK last year in a box of bananas. Ever since his arrival Barry has been shunned by the local spiders and soon became fed up with people running away from him screaming. Very soon he took to drink to ease the pain of loneliness and homesickness.

‘I used to have it all,’ said Barry. ‘I lived in a nice spot near Florida, had all the food I could eat, and spent the weekends chasing the ladies. Good times, good times.’
Barry’s alcoholism spiralled out of control and before long he couldn’t catch enough flies to survive. Luckily one evening he spotted a flyer for the website of Alcoholic Spiders Anonymous. With the help of his support group Barry has completely turned his life around and is now working to help other spiders.

‘Spiders have a bad enough image as it is. But the young ones go out, get pissed and build webs across doorways at just the right height for it to go in a person’s face. It reinforces the belief that spiders are sneaky bastards and are not to be trusted. Which, of course, is true.’

Psychedelic Squirrel

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2013 by

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