The Conservative party will mount an air strike and troop invasion of Eastleigh should the town be recaptured on Thursday by the Lib Dems.
Foreign Secretary William Hague said that the party was also targeting UKIP insurgents who had moved into the town in recent days. Hague said that the women and girls of Eastleigh ‘would not prosper under Nigel Farage’s ‘woman hating’ UKIP regime nor be safe from harassment by the Lib Dems. And as for Labour…’
Mr Farage, who survived an air crash at the last general election, is believed to be avoiding the air space around the Hampshire town.
After what he sees as his successful intervention in Libya and with Syria going well, David Cameron is said to be gung-ho about his prospects. ‘The prime minster is determined to recapture Eastleigh, even if it means flattening the place to the ground,’ said a spokesman from deep within a Downing Street bunker.