The last piece of Sir Ranulph Fiennes has finally fallen off due to extreme frostbite. The 68 year old Victorian throwback had been attempting to cross the frozen aisle in Aldi when his last remaining appendage succumbed to the icy conditions.
Despite several attempts to reattach the necrotised member by the budget supermarket’s crack first aid team, Sir Ranulph finally admitted that his exploring days were over. ‘It’s extremely disappointing,’ said the mad old adventurer, ‘After 18 months of preparation and extensive training from the cold meat section of Lidl to the chest freezers of Iceland, to come this close is a most distressing end to my magnificent career.’
Scientists are hoping to take DNA samples from the deeply permafrosted chunk, in the hope that one day, cloned copies can be reproduced for sale in the form of burgers, meatballs and dinosaur shaped, bread crumbed nuggets.