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UN finally intervenes in Syria, awards prize to ‘one millionth refugee’

never in his wildest dream did he think he would win, or surviveThe West finally made a positive intervention in the ongoing conflict which is devastating Syria yesterday by awarding a brand new Nissan Micra to the one millionth Syrian to cross the border into neighbouring states in the search for safety.

Father of five, Ashwad El Hambri, was said to be ‘over the moon’ as he was handed the keys to the hatchback just moments after collapsing in a heap suffering from hypothermia and dehydration after his gruelling march which finally saw him cross the border into Turkey. Not only was the award presented by the UN High Commisioner for Refugees, the brand new Nissan Micra 1.2 also came complete with a four year warranty and free 10,000 mile service.

But the UN High Commissioner said the prize winner had actually been quite lucky to receive the luxury family runaround as, technically, it was his brother who had been the millionth refugee to escape the Syrian conflict. But, as he had died in El Hambri’s arms just moments before, and his entire family had been killed in a mortar attack during the week, it as only right that the sparkly new car went to his closest living relative.

Mr El Hambri humbly denied that his motivation for running away from Syria had anything to do with the chance of winning a reasonable and practical option for popping down the shops, or transporting friends and family to comfortable social events. It was only a stroke of luck, he added, that they were in the right place at the right time due to being delayed earlier in the day, after having to stop off in the desert to bury his mother.

Under UN Resolution 2135, all Syrian nationals had been secretly entered into the prize draw and the UN was surprised it had not been won earlier. The UN Commissioner, however, insisted out that this was ‘the world speaking as one’ in support of Syrian civilians caught up in the turmoil. He further pointed out that the Nissan was one of the most economical budget cars on the market which if driven carefully could get a whole family of refugees out of Turkey, which didn’t want them, and allow them to flee as far as the Greek or Bulgarian borders on just one tank of petrol.

Concerns remain over the future of innocent Syrian civilians, but were dispelled by the Commissioner, who added; ‘Yes, the situation looks like it may only get worse and the international response has to recognise that. So, for the prize for the two millionth refugee, we’re already in intense diplomatic negotiations about upgrading to a Vauxhall Astra.’

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Posted: Mar 6th, 2013 by Gerontius Bonalatty

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