Breakthrough as scientists confirm ‘everything in excess’ is bad for you

It has long been known that ‘everything in moderation’ is a mantra for a healthy life, and scientists have now proved that, conversely, ‘everything in excess’ will seriously bugger you up.

‘It appears that literally everything – from asparagus to zoom bars – can and probably will kill you if you excessively indulge in them,’ explained Dr Stevenson who is leading the study. ‘We’ve even begun measuring the effects of excessive levels of particular human emotions. Preliminary results show that excessive happiness quickly leads to manic depression, and excessive sarcasm leads to getting punched in the face.’

The team of scientists has acknowledged that the one exception to their findings could be ‘excessive amounts of moderation’, but Dr Stevenson argued that ‘anyone who is excessively moderate still loses out as, by definition, they are just plain boring.’

Slante Dangle

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Posted: Mar 17th, 2013 by

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