Whilst many of today’s trendy youngsters dream of ‘Swimming with dolphins’ in US-style theme parks, the 50+ generation is increasingly remembering youthful days spent in local rivers and canals ‘Swimming with condoms’ and now lament the disappearance of the french letter experience.
‘On a really hot summer’s day, a quick dip in the river or canal was always accompanied by finding a few used condoms floating near the bank, or in many cases on your shoulders, but nowadays, thanks to all the ecological do-gooders you’re even lucky to find a used Greggs pasty wrapper,’ said a nostalgic Andy Hargreaves from Stockport.
Simon Green from English Heritage echoes Hargreaves’ sentiment; ‘On the extremely rare occasions on which we now find a used rubber we declare it a site of special scientific interest and give it a Grade 1 listing, immediately surrounding it with a protective wall to prevent it floating away and becoming another lost relic of yesteryear.’
Now, thanks to a group of venture capital led investors, the whole ‘Swimming with condoms’ experience can be relived in the ‘Floating Johnny Water Park’ which is being constructed in Liverpool. ‘The new theme park will use genuine water from the River Mersey, once a mightly floating ground for used Johnnies, and we hope to re-introduce these back into their natural environment, we’ve even asked Paul McCartney if he can make a donation,’ commented Green.
The Floating Johnny Water Park is expected to be a hit with tourists wishing to re-live their youth, and as an added attraction will include a rare display of historic white dog turds.