Unemployed chain smokers to replace animals in science experiment labs

The influence of animal rights campaigners became evident today as the government announced plans to forcibly replace animals in science experiment labs with unemployed smokers, drinkers and drug users.

Despite huge revenues from smoking and drinking, David Cameron and George Osborne believe that ‘a healthier Britain will be a wealthier Britain’, and that it is important to remind the young smoking, drinking and drugs are not healthy. ‘If we can cure a couple of diseases at the same time, happy days’ added the Prime Minister.

When informed that fags, booze and drugs would be totally free, millions of long-term unemployed applied to join the program, allowing the Government to instantly reduce the unemployment figures.

One of the newly released greyhounds said: ‘I’ll have a pint of Pedigree, chum.’

Reg Herring

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2013 by

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