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‘Ripper may have used a Toblerone’ say experts

A team from the Unsolved Crime and Open Case Squad say they are looking into the possibility that Jack the Ripper may have butchered his victims using a Toblerone.

Forensic pathologists now think that the chocolate bar would have been perfect for butchering and disembowelling the bodies of his victims while at the same time providing the Ripper with a tasty snack as he went about his evil business.

It could also explain why the Ripper was never apprehended added Dr Josef Muller heading up the re-opened investigation.‘Police in Whitechapel would have been looking for a man carrying a bag full of specialist surgical equipment and not some toff carrying a chocolate covered nougat bar.’

UCOS are also working on the theory that Dr Harold Shipman may have killed his victims using a bag of M&Ms. ‘It won’t explain how he forced his victims to actually eat an M&M but it would explain why they died. The Russians use them all the time.’

Gerontius

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Posted: Mar 27th, 2013 by Guest

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