“Children as young as six will be told the famous story of how Michael Gove was found floating among bull rushes in Aberdeen, Scotland, then was adopted by Labour-supporting parents yet became a Conservative. It is an important part of our culture and who we are as a nation,” said DfE Special Adviser Daniel Smyth. “He cast off the shackles of socialism and won a scholarship to a top independent school, became a top journalist, Conservative MP, Cabinet Minister, Prime Minister and eventually King of England. This story is key to our understanding of British history.”
Conservative sources say all too many students will leave school having experienced the effects of ‘Gove-rnment’ with no clue as to who he is, despite his advisers using Twitter to explain his importance to a wider audience, and telling fables of his greatness. “His story is as English as the Battle of Hastings, or Clause 28,” said one source.
Other compulsory modules for the post 16 curriculum could include a geographical study of the factors influencing Eric Pickles’s burgeoning coastline. Media studies will feature a case study of David Cameron’s career as PR Boss of Carlton TV, the perfect training for leadership, while music students will be required to learn Edward Heath sea shanties. And a universal cycling proficiency scheme, designed by Norman Tebbit and Boris Johnson, will be backed by a yet-to-be disgraced bank.
Meanwhile Liberal Democrats want to see a scheme to teach 17 year olds about safety on the roads. “It’s not yet clear who exactly will drive that,” said a Lib Dem spokesperson