Sir Mervyn King, Governor of the Bank of England, has revealed that he has been asked to draw up plans in the increasingly likely scenario that Britain will have to leave the Pound.
Great Britain has been a fully signed up member of pounds sterling since at least 1971, indeed it was one of the founding members of the much criticised currency, but there have never been coherent plans and processes in place for any member country to leave the currency.
With the UK Government recently seeing a triple dip recession only narrowly averted the City of London has been looking to protect pounds sterling from the collapse of the rest of the country and has called for withdrawal plans to be finalised. It is understood that the City would retain the pound for trading, banking and to fill the massive chambers that are used as swimming pools by the super rich.
King explained that “While the City of London now contributes over 90% of the value of Sterling, the Country as a whole lags far behind and, frankly, we’re better off without you.” When questioned on what the UK would use as currency, the governor suggested “a system of barter would seem fair for a nation so ill adjusted to the progress of capitalism”. It is understood that George Osborne prefers an idea of returning to old money, an approach supported by incredibly old people and members of the idiot community.