Families legally claiming benefits under Britain’s welfare system have officially joined Kim Jung-un of North Korea and President Ahmadinejad of Iran to form part of the so-called ‘Axis of Evil’ threatening Western democracy.
An influential Daily Mail article by AN Wilson declaring child murderer Mick Philpott to be ‘pure evil born out of welfare dependency’ has encouraged the government to bring forward drastic new measures ‘to protect us from those who have been radicalised by the welfare state’.
David Cameron and George Osborne spent this morning jointly restarting a decommissioned over-reactor in Basildon. Meanwhile, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has authorised SAS strike squads to undertake night-time raids on council tenants suspected of becoming evil through ‘over-exposure to the pernicious effects of dole cheque addiction’.
‘We’re starting with the high-risk targets,’ said IDS. ‘This will include anyone who has either a) a fridge dumped in their front garden, b) more than one television, c) a spare room for visitors, or d) has a growing urge to murder their own children directly in proportion to the amount they receive in state benefits.
‘We’ve been looking too far afield, in places like Yemen and Afghanistan’ he continued, ‘when they’ve been right here all the time.
‘We are asking for full public support on this,’ added Home Secretary Theresa May. ‘If you know of anyone who may be stockpiling their £53 a week to build an evil empire, please inform the police. Be vigilant about what may seem like innocent purchases. Four 2-litre bottles of Asda cola and a bottle of Just For Men is a potential bomb. And frequent purchases of new white trainers almost certainly points to a child murderer training camp.’