The UK has awoken from a night of celebration and heavy drinking to the horrific realisation that it is still actually ruled by a Tory Prime Minister.
Following reports of the death of an 87 year old woman from a stroke yesterday, the UK had been expected to announce plans to transform itself into a socialist paradise with immediate effect.
‘If there’s one thing that was keeping this unfair and money-driven capitalist system going, it was an old, frail woman who could barely remember her own name sitting on her own in a posh hotel waiting to die,” said John Fraser, General Secretary of the Socialist Unity Workers Party (Marxist-Leninist)’ . ‘With her finally out of the way, I was sure that the workers of this country would have immediately been free from the shackles of capitalist oppression.’
However, as Chancellor George Osborne launched a grief-stricken attack on the wasting of benefits money on ‘cripples and dole scum’ when it could have been used to artificially extend Margaret Thatcher’s life, hopes were not high that any significant change is likely in the near future.