After effortlessly completing a test run on Wednesday, Margaret Thatcher has declared herself a starter in this Sunday’s London Marathon.
Thatcher, a first-time marathoner, is relieved to be still in the field after an interrupted preparation marred by ligament problems and then death. ‘I thought I’d be a definite no-show, but then I got the idea of competing in a fancy dress coffin. If the soldiers carrying me can just walk a little faster on Sunday, I could break 5 hours.’
Reaction to Thatcher’s participation has been muted, suggesting that the post-death sympathy spike in popularity is rapidly diminishing. While some Tory supporters say it is an inspiring example of the ‘can do’ spirit that has made Britain great, Ted Heath insists he could run the event faster.
Unemployed Dagenham man, Phil Edwards, said ordinarily he’d hope that Thatcher would die of a heart attack on the course, but with her being already dead that was no longer an option.
‘Instead I’ll boycott the event,’ said the 22 stone Edwards from his couch. ‘There’s no way you’d catch me running 26 miles with that witch.’