Scores of rubbish Media Studies degrees around the country are facing closure, according to the lecturers’ union NOPULU (Not Proper University Lecturers’ Union). The warning follows new figures from UCAS, which show the lucrative ‘crap sector’ of higher education in sharp decline following the rise in tuition fees.
‘Our young people are deciding in droves that nine grand is too high a price to pay for these courses,’ warned NOPULU spokesperson Penny Morley, dressed in one of those smocks that were only ever worn by sociology lecturers in provincial polytechnics. ‘It’s a tragic mistake; not least because being able to deconstruct the semiotics of Octonauts immediately becomes a really useful skill once you’ve graduated without hope of employment.’
The decline is already affecting the jobs market too: ‘We are finding it much harder to shortlist for key traineeships,’ admitted BBC’s Head of Recruitment Daniel Marr. ‘Before, we could just look through all the applications and chuck out the 70% that mentioned Media Studies in ‘Education and Training’ without having to actually read them – and feel smug about it too – good times!’
Media Studies is the most prominent example of a market decline in Mickey Mouse degrees. Courses in ‘Bovine Psychology’, ‘The Heuristics of Facebook Memes’ and ‘Were-You-Involved-In-An-Accident-At-Work-That-Wasn’t-Your-Fault Studies’ have all been particularly badly hit.
‘The crap sector of tertiary education is one of our country’s proudest achievements,’ declared Morley ‘It faces decimation unless the Government can be persuaded to reverse its short-sighted policy of no longer humouring young people of middling intelligence.’
‘This must not be allowed to happen; in order to save these courses we need everybody to act now … or do Theatre Studies, anyway.’