Single homeless people sleeping in cardboard boxes will be penalised for each container over-and-above their ‘main bedroom box’, the government has confirmed. The levy on income will be deducted at source, from the paper cups in front of them, by specially-trained ‘proceeds of begging recovery experts’.
‘It this time of austerity it is vital that every person pull their weight, and that includes the people making free use of Britain’s corrugated cardboard,’ said a Downing Street spokesman. ‘Many of our indoors-based citizens pay for family sized boxes to keep themselves warm at night, and these strivers are missing out because the so-called-homeless hoard unused boxes for themselves.’
Man in the street Paul Bradley supported the measure: ‘It’s about time these layabouts paid their fair share. I saw one sleeping in the park last night, and he had the whole bench to himself. You could have got three homeless on there if they’d all sat upright. Wish I lived in a park. All I get for working hard all week is a tiny garden. And a house, heat, electricity and, you know, a comfortable human existence. I might as well just quit now.’
‘Tax has to be fair to all,’ the spokesman continued, ‘and if people think they can avoid the normal Bedroom Tax by choosing to live in shop doorways instead of council houses they’ve got another thing coming. Unless of course the shop doorway is in the Cayman Islands. We have a special department dealing with the non-domiciled homeless.’