Arsenal pipped local rivals Spurs in their battle for fourth place on Sunday, leaving fans of the North London club celebrating the opportunity to be humiliated as soon as they play a half decent team in next season’s Champions League.
‘Most young boys dream of winning trophies or scoring in a World Cup final, but when I was little I always dreamt of feeling powerless as a superior team effortlessly swept us aside,’ said winger Theo Walcott. ‘At night, before I go to sleep, I picture myself tearing down the wing and our strikers in the box, then imagine hitting a calamitous cross that goes for a throw in.’
But Spurs manager Andre Villas-Boas remains stoical. ‘We’re disappointed, but we still have the Europa League to fail in. If we take it seriously enough we might actually lose to a pub team from Andorra or somewhere, which will trump anything Arsenal do next season. Provided they don’t re-sign Philippe Senderos.’