Planet earth rejoiced last night after it was revealed the Intergalactic Federation had awarded the British Soap Awards the prize for Most Pointless Event in the Known Universe.
Accepting the award on behalf of the planet, ex-EastEnders actor Joe Swash acknowledged there had been tough competition this year. ‘I thought the intergalactic 100-year paint drying convention of the Triangulum Galaxy was a massive favourite, but to be recognised as even more pointless than that is a real honour.’
Other events in the category included the mass suicide of the Amoeba people of Alpha Centauri and the Liberal Democrat party conference of 2008. The British Soap Awards was also nominated for the Most Awful Event in the Universe category but missed out to a Rod Stewart concert from 1987.