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Printer manufacturer unveils new fruit conserve, Paper Jam

Xerox, the well-known supplier of office and home printers and photocopiers, has today branched out into the world of fruit confections and unveiled its Paper Jam, a tasty pulp-based gelatin ideal for spreading on toast or scones.

‘Our printing and photocopying operation has given us years of experience in producing jams, but until now we never thought about bottling and selling it,’ said Ursula Burns, Chairman and CEO of Xerox UK. ‘Paper Jam contains materials sourced from only our finest aborted and scrumpled print jobs and so is rich in iodine and fibre, ironically making it excellent at clearing blockages.’

Xerox say they first thought about diversifying into food products after their customers reported getting frustrated and peckish while experiencing unexpected delays in their print jobs. ‘Now they’ll be able to make themselves a snack while they wait for their documents to finally finish printing,’ continued Burns. ‘And if the paper does get chewed up they can always send it back to us to be recycled.’

Paper Jam jars also draw on Xerox’s patented intelligent stock control technology to warn customers that their supply is running low by only producing patchy and faded coverage of their toast.

Despite the high-profile launch, testing of Paper Jam exposed a crucial design flaw as on occasion the foodstuff inexplicably got stuck in the subject’s gullet, leaving them unable to function properly but without being able to give a clear explanation of the problem or comprehensible instructions on how it might be fixed.

Neverthless Xerox are buoyant about the prospects of their new venture and are already extending their range. ‘We just tried to print some flyers and posters promoting Paper Jam but they didn’t come out right, and instead we ended up with some fine-shredded marmalade.’

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Posted: May 27th, 2013 by NewsBiscuit

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