Tension builds between North IKEA and South IKEA over Gnomes

The new advert for IKEA garden furniture that depicts a battle between uncaring, brutal modernising garden owners and a group of defenceless, poorly armed garden gnomes has revealed a deep cultural division within the IKEA UK organisation which reflects the traditional North/South divide.

Kim Jongle, the North IKEAN divisional director, has declared full support for the gnome bashing advert promoting the adoption of standardised, modular garden furniture which is aimed at the masses. ‘The people of North IKEA will not allow the southern dissidents to stand in the way of progress. Our 15 year plan has always included the removal of all non functional garden decoration especially ugly, poorly cast and tackily decorated garden gnomes’ declared the Supreme Director.

His South IKEAN counter part, Pat Goonie expressed her disgust at the treatment of garden gnomes especially the use of water cannon to break up a peaceful protest in a well be-gnomed suburban garden. ‘The South IKEANs have always treasured our democratic freedom to ignore good taste in the same way as our American allies’ said the Regional President.

The Home Office leader Theresa May has handed down instructions to the Police and Armed Forces. Both organisations are having difficulty following them as they have only received a few primitive diagrams with cartoon figures and some long numbers.


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Posted: May 30th, 2013 by

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