After the death of Wali-ur-Rehman, the Pakistan Taliban have selected Khan Said as next in line to be blown up in a US drone attack.
The hotly uncontested election heard impassioned speeches from candidates, each detailing how they didn’t want to be the next one to die.
Election observers say the process was fair and open. ‘It was an illuminating experience’, one of the observation team said after Said won the ballot, “to hear so many hardened militants emphatically stating their case that it should be some other guy and how they have a wife and kids to support.”
Asked for a comment following his success, Said simply replied ‘bugger’.