Berkeley Hunt wins contract to track down paedophiles

Suspected sexual deviants can now expect to be accosted at any time with shouts of ‘tally-ho’ and the baying of hounds, as the West Country squires and farmers get into the spirit of their five-year renewable contract with the Home Office.

‘This was a job traditionally left to vigilante groups from council estates armed with pickaxe handles and meat cleavers’ said Home Office spokesman Jason Ellis. ‘We need an organised system with targets, league tables and progress reports though, so we feel it’s best entrusted to people who went to Sandhurst and drive RangeRovers’.

Mrs Ellen Jones, a Cheltenham hospital worker, had the honour of giving the hunt their first tip-off and then watching them chase one of her neighbours for two miles before he was cornered and set upon by the hounds in a Tesco carpark to ecstatic cheering from shoppers.‘He was a proper creepy character – spent all his time indoors, collecting dusty old books’ said Mrs Jones. ‘And he was quite open about his perversion, he told me about it himself…actually, now that I think of it, what he said was a bibliophile, not a paedophile…but then, if he had nothing to hide, why would he run?’


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Posted: Jun 5th, 2013 by

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