Pleased by the success of including hashtagging within their social network, Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg has decided to roll out a further series of innovative technological advances. First amongst these will be to give Facebook members the ability to rub together two sticks to generate something akin to the “rapid oxidation of a material”.
One Facebook member could barely contain her delight: “I have no idea what an ‘exothermic chemical process’ is, but we’ll be the envy of Twitter users. I’ve heard a rumour that they are going to introduce a circular component that is intended to rotate. Fitted on some sort of ‘axial bearing’? A ‘Whoool’. No? A ‘Whee’?’ ‘Wheel’? Something like that.”
A Spokesmen for Mark Zuckerberg explained the long term strategy: “Part of the company’s $15 billion in assets will be earmarked for research and development. We’ll be doing a lot of new coding to ensure that our users have access to the most contemporary lever and pulley systems online. As long as the Sun continues to revolve around the Earth, we at Facebook will be at the cutting edge of Renaissance science. The Internet Fairies will continue to connect people, using their magic electricity dust thingy…with the colours…shapes…blah, blah, noise…demons in a box…woooooo…spooky…I’ll be honest, I’ve no idea how it works.”