Lawyers, judges in secret courts to wear ‘sinister’ wigs

Images of a new range of ‘surreal’ judicial wigs, whose purpose is to ‘terrify and intimidate’ suspects appearing before secret courts, has been leaked to the press.

The Home Office would neither confirm nor deny the wigs’ existence, but sources inside the Ministry of Justice said the wigs were aimed at creating a ‘sinister, nightmarish and deeply unfashionable’ atmosphere inside the hush-hush courts.

‘Traditionally those called to the bar wear wigs as a sign of equality before the law,’ the source said. ‘That’s an old-fashioned message nowadays though. Secret tests have shown we get much more cooperation from terrorists (alleged) when lawyers and judges are suited and gowned, but one has a larger-than-life Dolly Parton and another a big green Afro, or a semi-plastic Roy Orbison or bald with thin combover and spindly moles.’

Perhaps surprisingly, the wigs are expected to bolster secrecy, according to the source. ‘Imagine emerging from the court, whose very existence is denied by the government, and telling people you were tried by an elderly man in a Jessie J humming ‘Do it Like a Dude’. People would simply not believe you.

‘Still, it’s better than our plans for the civil courts,’ the source went on. ‘Barristers will have the choice between a flat cap or a knitted tea cosy. That’s what happens when you axe legal aid, I’m afraid.’

nickb with a hush-hush nod to Medici2471

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2013 by

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