Buckingham Palace have cited ‘safety reasons’ behind the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s decision to have their baby delivered at London’s private St Mary’s Hospital.
The Royal Family believe that a private birth is the only way to stop the giant, genetically-corrupted space lizard resulting from William’s ancient and regnant sperm and Kate Middleton’s battered commoner womb from attacking doctors, nurses and other patients.
Royal expert Dr John Swan said: ‘There’s a fairly decent chance that Will and Kate’s space lizard baby will run around feasting on the souls of the first humans it comes across. Thankfully by going private none of the doctors or nurses the child meets will actually have souls. It’s the sensible decision.’
The couple have declared that they want to keep the sex of the child a ‘surprise’right up until the ancient and traditional blooding service of the Royal Family’s distant homeworld.
Dr Swan said: ‘It doesn’t matter the sex of the child really. Be it male, bhotan’hj or hurugagan it will one day be our overlord – I mean, king or queen.’