Following a series of humiliating fraternity stunts, the South-East Asian city state of Singapore has complained that it has been coerced by its sportier, more muscular neighbour Indonesia into participating in a series of drinking contests, prank phone calls and something involving a goat.
Things reached a tipping point when Dr Vivian Balakrishnan, Singapore’s Environment and Water Resources Minister, was found naked, tied to a lamppost with the phrase ‘Nerd alert – six o’clock!’ written across his forehead. The following day, his Facebook wall demanded ‘definitive action’ from Jakarta; although Dr Balakrishnan was unable to explain the numerous uploaded images of himself captioned ‘Hai it’s MEEEE partying mah face off!!!!!’.
The two nations are holding an emergency meetings to explain why a series of ‘stink bombs’ were set off in Sumatra, shrouding the Singapore skyline in a noxious cloud. Indonesia claims not have been involved and that it was totally ‘boning some chick, maybe Cambodia or Madagascar I don’t kno hey’ when the incident occurred. Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong warned the hazing could ‘easily last for several weeks’, leaving Singaporeans choking, asthmatic and humiliated, and expressed concern that his mother would disapprove of the fact someone had shaved off his eyebrows.
Indonesian Minister for People’s Welfare Agung Laksono retorted that Singapore was ‘behaving like a dorky freshman’ and needed to see the funny side. A toga-wearing frat-spokesman issued this statement: ‘Seriously, dude. What tha f**k? Just chug some brew-dawgs and get a life. Stop your whining – I’m the fourth most important financial centre in the world and I got more Muslims than yoo, yackety yack… WHATEVERRR, biatch!’