Egyptian rioters demand UK style by-elections for pointless protest vote

No Morsi

Demonstrators in Tahrir Square have issued an ultimatum to the governing Muslim Brotherhood Party: ‘Give the people of Egypt a mid-term by election or maybe some boring council elections, otherwise we will unseat your government.’

One year on from General Elections, they say that the people of Egypt have taken to the streets because they are desperate to ‘let off steam by voting for some stupid unelectable berk or other’.

‘We were promised Western-style elections,’ complained Mostafa Liekh, unofficial spokesman for the demonstrators, ‘But that’s not the same as western style democracy. What can the average Egyptian man or woman do when, a year or two into the ruling party’s term, they are still not fabulously wealthy and blissfully happy? In Europe you can vote for a scary, slightly deranged independent candidate with barely concealed racist-overtones. In Egypt, all we can do is demonstrate in our millions until the regime comes crashing to the ground – where’s the fun in that?’

It is thought that party officials are in ‘serious dialogue’ regarding protestors’ demands, with the army hastily ‘retiring’ members of parliament in readiness. This in turn has led to the hasty formation of a number of parties, ready to absorb the ‘futile protest vote’. Among the front runners is the party E-Kip, led by charismatic leader Nihal Faruj. E-Kip is fighting for the right of all Egyptian workers to take a three hour siesta or ‘kip’ in the middle of their working day. Faruj can regularly be seen posing for press photos in Tahrir Square, holding a pint of cane juice in one hand and a hookah pipe in the other.

Also gaining support is the ‘Five Star’ party, inspired by the Romford-based 1980s vocal group – their ‘Can’t wait another moment for change’ slogan has been adopted by protestors and has won massive support for the snappily-dressed democratic-system addicts.

Asked who he would be supporting in any forthcoming by-election, Mr Liekh said that he was unlikely to vote. ‘I doubt I’ll bother; I mean it’s not like it’s a proper election or anything, is it?’

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Posted: Jul 3rd, 2013 by

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