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Party poppers to be banned at Abu Qatada’s leaving party

No street parties!The Home Office has announced that party poppers and balloons will be banned at Abu Qatada’s forthcoming leaving party at Belmarsh Prison on Saturday night.

The radical Islamist cleric is to be treated to one last bash before his arrival in Jordan on Sunday where a series of surprise bashes have allegedly been scheduled for him.

Home Secretary Theresa May said, ‘We are hoping that the celebrations will not be dampened by the lack of party poppers, however streamers, funny hats and blowers will be permitted. Party games such as Pin the Blame on the Mule and I Spy will go ahead but Pass the Parcel is definitely a no go area.’

The Jordanian government has guaranteed that Abu Qatada will not face a retrial on terrorism charges based on evidence obtained by torture, however he may be invited to play a quick game of Apple Bobbing and Musical Statues where, after a good dunking, he’ll be required to stand in one spot for twelve hours at a time before having a special cup-cake treat.

Pippa Middleton from online party supplier Party Pieces said, ‘We are delighted to be selected as the official suppliers for the Abu Qatada leaving do. Special occasions like this don’t happen very often so it becomes difficult to come up with new ideas. We did consider an American Independence Day theme but narrowly missed the 4th of July so a toga party seems the best option.’

Criticism has however been levelled against the Home Office for wasting tax payers money on the celebrations. A spokesman from the Tax Payer’s Alliance said, ‘I can think of a much cheaper way to send him off with a bang.’

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2013 by Dick Everyman

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