Sir Tom Jones ‘far too sexy’ to be an organ donor

Why, why, whyyyy, just lie there?

Welsh superstar Sir Tom Jones has expressed his concerns today following the announcement that all Welsh people will be classed as ‘assumed donors’ after they die, unless they fill out an ‘opt-out’ form.

Jones claims that the new ruling is ‘far from ideal’ for him, as not only is he ‘far too busy’ to submit the opt-out form, but he is also ‘way too sexy’ to even consider an organ donation in the first place.

Perhaps most remarkable of all, Jones has also sensationally suggested that the new ruling could be a nationwide conspiracy by the Welsh Assembly to get their hands on his ‘goodies’.

Speaking from his Carmarthenshire mansion, the 73-year-old pop star said: ‘I’m in a tough spot here. Everybody knows I have a belting set of lungs that are responsible for Grammy and MTV awards – do you really think I’m going to let some doctor dish these puppies out, free of charge?’

Although for some, Sir Tom’s disapproval of the announcement hasn’t come as a huge surprise. Iwan Roberts, a retired barber from Swansea, who used to cut the hair of the multimillionaire music icon in the 60s said: ‘Even then he was adamant that he shouldn’t give anything away for free. At the end of each trim, he’d sweep-up his discarded hair and pack it tightly in a cellophane bag before leaving’.

When asked about his earlier claims of a ‘conspiracy’ in the Welsh government, Jones explained: ‘an insurance company valued my body at six million pounds. My voice box alone is worth £350,000. It all just seems a little too convenient, that, as I’m getting older, the Welsh Assembly announces this new idea. They also know that my work on TV show The Voice and my constant appearances at charity events means I’m far too busy to fill out and post the opt-out form – they’ve got me over a barrel’.

Welsh Assembly member Rhodri Pritchard was quick to deny  Jones’s claims: ‘the suggestion alone is ludicrous. Sir Tom cannot categorically prove that it was a Welsh Assembly representative that was caught tampering with the brake wires on his Rolls Royce last week’.

Jones later added: ‘I need to work a way out of this. I’ve seen the way female doctors look at me; trust me on this, I know exactly which organ they’re planning to harvest.’

Jesus H

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Posted: Jul 8th, 2013 by

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