Facebook to start fining people for not using Facebook at least hourly

The social networking giant has expressed concern at the number of members who are spending long periods off the site getting on with their lives, and reminds them that their absence is being recorded and will become subject to penalties. As temperatures soar and people head outdoors, there has been a “worrying slowdown” in the torrent of pointless trivia being posted by people on their profiles. Company strategists are exploring ways of measuring the time people spend logged off the site and punishing them accordingly.

‘It’s an exciting time to be alive,’ said Facebook executive Mark Blaine. ‘You can be redecorating your hallway with one hand and telling a billion people about it on your smartphone with the other. Our parents never had these advantages. There’s just no excuse to be staying away from Facebook anymore.’

‘Unfortunately there’s a few extremists infecting our society, mostly in the 40 to 65 age group, who have a ‘take it or leave it’ attitude to the social networking revolution,’ he complains, ‘and, well, let’s just say we’re urging them to smarten up and co-operate, especially considering the amount of information we have on them. And their children. And their children’s children.’

Mr Blaine cited the example of one anonymous Facebook user, 46, from Laurel Drive, Nottingham. ‘This user is  often away from his Facebook page for ten or twelve hours at a time – not good. Maybe he’s busy helping his wife around the house, you might say. But then, seeing as he downloads an average of 2.3 gigabytes of porn each week, I doubt if he spends much time with his wife, if you know what I mean.’


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Posted: Jul 9th, 2013 by

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