The Egyptian army have removed the Muslim Brotherhood from power after they consistently attempted to deliver on their manifesto commitments, dashing hopes of a nascent Western-style democracy run by bunglers, liars and posh clueless twats nobody voted for.
Legitimate democratic elections held in 2012 put an end to decades of tyrannial rule under Hosni Mubarak, and were expected to produce a civilian government that the Egyptian people could moan and bitch about freely just like their Western neighbours.
However, the elections were unexpectedly won by the well-organised Muslim Brotherhood, whose year of doing exactly what they said they were going to do has left a bad taste in the mouths of the Egyptian electorate. The movement have, as they laid out in their manifesto and all public speeches, carried out a process of Islamification since coming to power during the Arab Spring, but this has proved controversial.
Mohammed Aziz, a butcher from Maadi, was outraged by their behaviour: ‘We didn’t expect this at all – politicians are supposed to make empty promises, massage official statistics, and be evasive when asked to say anything. How could we possibly have foreseen they would actually try to govern like a brotherhood of Muslims? Did you vote for the Liberal Democrats thinking you’d get a party that was either liberal or democratic? Only an idiot would have thought that.’
Interim president Adly Mansour was critical of the fallen regime, saying: ‘The Egyptian people have for years looked West to see democratically-elected politicians lying, sleeping with their secretaries and cocking things up at every turn. Then came the Arab Spring and we rejoiced!
‘When we went to the polls and saw the name ‘Muslim Brotherhood’, with their promises to reinforce Islamic traditions and ceremony, we naturally assumed we’d be getting a liberal, atheist government who would care as much about religion as Nick Clegg cares about poor students.’
Thousands of protestors gathered in Tahrir Square, furious that they were allowed to do so. ‘Where is the rash policing, tear gas, and kettling?’ complained one exasperated market trader. ‘Do they even understand politics? Boris Johnson would never have allowed this.’
It is not yet known how the army and President Mansour plan to fix the problems currently dogging Egypt’s politics. Privately they are admitting it could take several more elections, uprisings, and coups before the army get their man into power legitimately, although sources suggest Len McCluskey and Unite have been putting out some feelers to help speed things up a little.