Former BBC Director General Mark Thompson is to return briefly to the Corporation’s employment so that he can be fired. ‘An oversight on our part meant we omitted to dismiss Mr Thompson for authorising massive payouts to colleagues while he was Director- General,’ said BBC Acting Human Integrity Curator Janine Smythe. ‘Now Mr Thompson has voluntarily agreed to return briefly to the BBC so that he can be officially shown the door.’
The commemorative door that Mr Thompson is expected to be shown has been especially commissioned by the BBC’s Head of Production Inspiration Executives, and will remain on display in the concourse of the Stuart Hall Wing of The BBC’s central London broadcasting campus ‘as a warning to others.’ The door, which cost £19,300, depicts scenes of official broadcasting disgrace and will be officially opened by Russell Brand in a ceremony to be broadcast on the One Show.
The schedule for the ritual sacking will start in New York with Mr Thompson being picked up by limousine and taken to JFK airport for a first class flight to Heathrow. He will spend Monday night at the Groucho Harpo and Zeppo hotel and club entertaining BBC guests at a reception to mark his temporary return. It’s understood his former colleague Mr Mark Byford, who received a £950,000 BBC payout, will sponsor the bill for salty and other snacks. Topping the bill will be cheery comedian Frankie Boyle, also making a return to the BBC after some time.
The following day Mr Thompson will return to his old desk for one hour and 45 minutes, during which he will:
- recommission a mid afternoon antiques show
- attend an online training session entitled ‘Creativity Driven Pathways Around Budget Digital Resource Outcomes’
- make a little man out of paperclips
- go to the lavatory
before being introduced to Sir Alan Sugar for the ritual firing, to be featured live on BBC News 24.
The following day Mr Thompson will appear before a parliamentary select committee where he will be shouted at by Margaret Hodge, MP.
The cost to the license payer of the refiring of Mr Thompson is estimated to be £190,466. ‘We think that’s cheap as chips,’ said a spokesman.