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Thousands of accounts re-activated as Facebook release ‘Pointless Status Update’ filter

After a record number of account deactivations in 2012 blamed on ‘mundane update overload’, thousands of users returned to Facebook today following the announcement from the social network giant that a new ‘Pointless Status Update’ filter has been rolled out worldwide.

Picking up on key-words and sentences like ‘my cat’, ‘can’t sleep’, ‘off to work’ and ‘fluffy’, the groundbreaking software will leave newsfeeds around the globe showing only the serious, important stuff. Never again will users have to hear updates about the bloke they only ever spoke to once in school twenty years ago being ‘at the gym’, or that your ex-work colleague’s brother’s best friend’s daughter received a great report in her first term of year 5.

Further ‘biometric analysis tools’ will be released shortly preventing users uploading more than three pictures of their children a year, Instagram pictures of their food, or snaps of themselves in Manchester Airport’s Terminal One bar, drinking a sangria at 5am.

Jesus H

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Posted: Jul 16th, 2013 by Jesus H

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