Gamekeeper job ‘does not help me poach’, claims poacher

A poacher who works as a gamekeeper during the week has denied that the job conflicts in any way with his weekend role of ‘the best damn poacher you ever saw’, in the same wood.

‘It’s completely different’ said the poacher/gamekeeper/poacher. ‘When conducting my vital role of finding where the plumpest birds are and cataloguing them in this notebook I always carry with me I wear this special gamekeeper hat, and speak to the pheasants in my own voice. At weekends I take off the hat, put on a French accent, and place a paper bag over the notebook before strangling the same birds in the night. Isn’t a man allowed a hobby?’

A spokesbird for the pheasants said ‘so that’s why the gamekeeper was doing the whole ou-la-la thing when he throttled Sandra last Sunday? Look, if we’re going to be slaughtered by people cleverer than us it should be open and transparent for all to see, in the skies over the woods, in a hail of responsibly-sourced lead shot. Now that’s what I call commitment to public services.’

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2013 by

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