Enthusiastic weather balloon collectors have been disappointed to learn that the balloon they collected was simply an unidentified component of an alien spaceship. ‘I was hoping it was a rare ‘8237 type 3′ balloon, but instead it turns out to be some kind of doodad from a flying saucer. I thought I was going to be quite well known in balloon collecting circles until that alien arrived to explain that she/he needed it to save the Earth from the sun exploding or some such.’
This revelation has also caused some consternation among crop circle enthusiasts, who normally accredit this natural phenomenon to the amorous pursuits of Katie Hopkins. One confused MP said: ‘I’d originally attributed my abduction and rectal probe to a hazing by the Bullingdon Club. Clearly there is an extra-terrestrial cause and effect. Which at least explains Australia’s improved batting in the third Test, Simon Cowell’s imminent fatherhood and the existence of Nigel Farage’.
In other news: ‘The Society for blurred photos of Floating Wood’ reports another successful conference at Loch Ness.