Embassies on ‘red alert’ as Westlife hints at Comeback Tour

UK threat levels have been raised after a string of ‘serious and terror inducing’ online posts by the aging boy band Westlife sparked fears of a new tour. ‘All early indications suggest that Manilow and ABBA medleys will soon be unleashed on an unsuspecting public’, warned Twitter UK boss, Tony Wang. ‘Music fans need to remain calm whilst we work with police in substantiating the exact meaning behind the lyrics “Us Against The World”.’

The band, who mercifully split in 2012, were first unleashed on the public by militant extremist, Louis Walsh. The initial Twitter threat, signed ‘Brian’, claimed a comeback tour could begin ‘as soon as November’. Although no official date has been confirmed, the Twitter community were left in a ‘terrifying limbo’ as the tweet cruelly concluded with ‘maybe see you soon…!’

A Scotland Yard spokesman said: ‘Of course we take warnings of this nature extremely seriously. Nobody wants to see teenagers radicalized by brylcreem, barstool dance routines and propagandist ballads’. When asked about rumours circling that the threats made by Westlife had triggered similar announcements from boy bands Hanson and Backstreet Boys, the spokesman said: ‘If that is true, I’d strongly suggest the music loving public emigrate to the Helmand Province.’

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2013 by

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